Third Draft

Dying To Be Famous

Characters:

Allison (Zombie contestant 1)

Marc (Zombie contestant 2)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 1 (Human)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 2 (Human)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 3 (Human)

Tim & Tom (Human)

Backstage Help (Human)

Allison’s mother (Human)

(Takes place 10 minutes into the show as the obscure celebrity judges have already been introduced and have sat down, everybody is preparing for the first act. Allison is standing backstage with the backstage help holding a chain attached to a collar around her neck)

BH: Are you ready for this?

Allison: (nods and grunts)

BH: Okay – Here we go.

Tim: We are backstage here with Allison, the first performer of the night.

Tim/Tom: Best of luck Allison

(Allison walks onto stage waving and the crowd cheers. She stands centre stage and the backstage help connects the other end of the chain to the stage and runs backstage again)

Obscure Judge 1: Okay Allison, it’s the first act of the night, you’ll have to set the bar here. We’re almost in the semi-finals and you have a lot to loose. In your own time.

Allison: (to the tune of ‘fireworks’ by katy perry) grrrrrrruuuuuuuuhmmmmmmmmmm hhhhuuuuuuummmmmmmfffffffffffff

Ffiiiiiiiiiiiii bffffffff wooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Mumbling zombie noises)

(One buzzer sound lights up a red cross above the stage)

Allison cont.: (more mumbling)

brfffffffffffff wooooooooooh

(a second buzzer sounds shortly after the first. Allison starts to look saddened as she carries on ‘singing’)

Allison cont.: (mumbling)

Gruhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm huuuuuuuumfffffffffffffff

(raises voice for finale of the song)

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBHUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH

(she stops singing and smiles at the judges, black ooze spills from her mouth down her dress. A buzzer repeatedly sounds, switch shot to Obscure Celebrity Judge 3 repeatedly pressing the button with a disinterested expression)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 3: Well Allison I have to say, we gave you a chance and you’re just not taking it. We expected a lot from you and what you have brought is just utter garbage. We are aware that you are decomposing and your voice box is beginning to rot but we expect more Allison.

Obscure Celebrity Judge 1: I’m afraid I just have to agree. I know the chains get in the way but all the contestants have to sing the same way. Everybody else in this competition is decomposing too and they are doing just fine.

Obscure Celebrity Judge 2: We will just have to see what the audience thinks, But we are very disappointed Allison.

(Stage help runs back on to the stage and unhooks Allison who looks like she is about to start crying and takes her backstage where she starts uncontrollably wailing, greeted by Tim and Tom who she runs past)

Tim: Well I don’t think that went quite to plan did it Tom

Tom: I think not Tim

Tim: Hopefully the audience will help young Allison eh Tom

Tom: Hopefully Tim

Tim: And now, Marc is preparing backstage for his performance. Having seen Allison’s act I think he feels like he does not have much to worry about.

(Marc enters and scene cuts to Allison who is running to find her mother)

Allison: (worried) Mrfffhhhhhhhh!

(Allisons Mother enters)

Allison’s Mother: Allison, Pumpkin, Its okay!

(Allison’s Mother hands her a human arm)

Allison’s Mother Cont.: Here darling this will make you feel better

(Allison’s Mother hugs her and she continues to wail whilst beginning to chew on the arm)

Tim: Well it looks like Allison is really not taking the news well. Right Tom?

Tom: Right Tim, Sometimes the judges are harsh but fair. Right Tim?

Tim: Right Tom, Now to our second act of the night – Marc.

Tom/Tim: Best of luck Marc

(Cuts to Marc stood centre stage and the stagehand hurries away as before)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 1: Okay Marc. You don’t exactly have a tough act to follow here, but don’t take that as an easy victory, we still need you to give it your all.

Obscure Celebrity Judge 2: Ready when you are Marc.

Marc: (Singing to the tune of ‘Sex is on fire’ – Mumbling sounds almost identical to Allison’s)

YOOOOOOOOO SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Cut to Allison standing at the side of the stage with black tears on her face and a jealous expression)

WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN TUUUUU WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

(Act finishes)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 1: That was amazing Marc. Its almost a miracle that your singing can sound so human already, I can really see a rising star in you

Obscure Celebrity Judge 2: I can see raw talent just oozing out of you Marc

(Black ooze spills from an open wound on Marc’s knee and lands on the stage with a squelch, Marc smiles)

Obscure Celebrity Judge 2 cont.: that pure talent just needs to be controlled and tamed and you can be a superstar!

(Obscure Celebrity Judge 3 has no input but nods proudly, Stage help comes and unchains Marc, Taking him backstage)

Tim: Well that was just great, and the judges loved it too! Right Tom?

Tom: Right Tim. Looks like we might have a winner here

(Marc enters and Allison Jump on him, trying to bite him)

Tim: (Standing behind the scuffle with Tom) Looks like Allison might be a little Jealous of Marc’s feedback Tom.

Tom: I think so Tim, look there goes Marc’s ear.

Tim: I think its safe to say that Allison is in the wrong show.

Tom: Yes Tim, Pro wrestling would seem more appropriate

(Scuffle continues as both Allison and Marc continue bite chunks out of each other, nobody attempt to restrain them)

Tom cont.: Ooh look, there goes the Jugular, That might affect Allison’s singing further eh Tim

Tim: Right Tom, I don’t fancy Marc’s chanced with that hole in his stomach either.

Tom: That’s what this competition is all about though Tim.

Tim: That’s right Tom. That’s right:

(Scene ends with Tim, Tom and the stage help watching the scuffle contently)

End.